Today’s blog is going to take a very different path from what I initially said would be my basis of blogging. Today I want to share with you a concept that I am working on. This concept is “Owning My Power!” This basically encompasses the following: knowing what I want in life, being comfortable with my boundaries/limitations that I set for myself, speaking up and commanding that I be heard and taken seriously, and to turn in the badge I earned for being my own worst critic. I think I earned that badge back in the ’80’s so it is well overdue for and update. I am also taking back the power that I have given to “Mojo Jo Jo” and other people and decisions I made in the past. I can not move forward and be successful in this new year unless I take back my own power.
Back Story/ Reasoning Behind the Concept
I have long pondered the question how someone takes control of your life, your power. I mean it is not like alcohol or drugs that cause an emotional dependency or so I thought. The scariest thing of all is, is that at least when it is drugs or alcohol you know that you are surrendering yourself to these outside influences. But when someone or something is taking control you are seldom aware of the slow dependency that is taking place in your life. Until one day boom it is too late and then you want out.
Well as a child we come into this world and from birth we are seeking the approval of others to let us know (validate) that we are doing a good job. As a baby we look into our parents eyes and wait for them to clap and say good job. So it is no wonder that some of us have a difficult time later in life expressing ourselves and owning our power because we have been chasing our next “fix” (validation) like a drug addict. We are going to have to learn to seek that validation from another source – Ourselves. However in order to do that I see one major thing that needs to happen in our lives. We have to do some soul-searching and truth-telling with ourselves.
I think as women and people in general we don’t want to be perceived as being aggressive or passive individuals because those are the two extremes on the scale that are not respected. However, at the same time we are so busy trying to not be characterized as being labeled as either that we forget to acquire the necessary skills needed to be assertive (in a positive way). Which means that we are lacking or falling short in many areas of our lives due to these skills not be acquired. Our relationships (personal,work,social, etc.), careers and many other areas in our life take an extreme hit due to this. We must step back and evaluate how we communicate our needs, desires, expectations, limitations and whatever else to other people. Because like a good friend of mine once said there is a fine line between being a bitch and being assertive. Likewise, there is a fine line between being a doormat and being respectful. But unless you know how you are communicating these things you will be in limbo trying to own your power. I personally don’t want to continue to live my life in limbo. I am going to strive to be more assertive and not care so much if my opinion is upsetting to someone. Because my opinion is just what it is, “MY” opinion. And opinion as like a**holes. Everybody has one. So here’s to owning your power and getting some more swagger in your step. As always I bid you farewell until tomorrow.
- Do double standards exist for assertive black women? (thegrio.com)
- The Fine Art of Female Assertiveness (psychologytoday.com)